Orthodontists are immortal. They are. When the world ends in 2012 (har har), the orthodontists will survive. Because they can use their evil tools of orthodontia to battle the zombie apocalypse. They can stretch their lips back and bombard them with X-rays and glue braces to their eyeballs while they sleep! THEY WILL CHARGE THE ZOMBIES THREE THOUSAND DOLLARS TO FIX THEIR TEETH SO THEY CAN EAT BRAINS PROPERLY!
Yesterday, I went to the orthodontist. Now, I don't usually go. My teeth are pretty much awesome. I'm just shockingly lucky. I only floss like, once; right before we go. So. I got there, and brushed my teeth in the sink with those toothbrushes that have built in toothpaste that tastes like plastic and the aftertaste you get after you eat candy or drink water from a plastic bottle.
Then, a very short, rotund woman came to me and my mother with a clipboard and told me to follow her. We did. Then I put all my crap in a chair and she hung a vest on me with a giant smiley face on it (ohhh, irony...), and made me bite something while this monster camera thing revolved around my head and took pictures of my teeth. They always tell you to hold still, and when you concentrate on holding still, you suddenly CAN'T. I felt like I was earth, and the moon was revolving around me while a massive earthquake was going on.
She then took pictures of my face, which I'm sure was lovely since I had come straight from school and I had High School Gunk on my face (which sounds SO dirty, but really it means I just have zits and oily skin). Then I sat in a chair and stared mournfully at my cherry slushie that my mother was holding for me.
Next...I had to take impressions. Now, if you have not had impressions, by my age, ALL your friends have gotten them at some point, and they tell you horror stories about them, like the putty stuff goes down your throat or it tastes bad, or whatever. Basically, I was kind of freaking out. I thought I was going to choke on it and die, or that it was going to pull out all my teeth at the same time and I'd go around being called Pirate Sam or something and never be able to say my S's right because I'd have no teeth.
She mixed together this lavender-colored paste (after stretching my lips apart with these little rod thingies and taking MORE pictures) and scooped it into a tray thingie and shoved it in my mouth and pressed it into my teeth and held it there for a minute. It tasted faintly of cinnamon and concrete. I tried not to drool, either, but it was kind of unavoidable.
She had to do my top teeth next, which was a little scary. She pressed it to my teeth, and it went a little far back into my mouth. Suddenly, I realized...I had to swallow (my GOD this could sound dirty). But I didn't want to swallow the concrete stuff...what if it was poisonous or something??? So I sat there, silently about to choke on my own spit and die. Finally, she popped it out and there was a cast of my teeth in purple. Hoo-rah.
And I got to drink my slushie.
Adventure of the night: My mother made me take the dog out. I was afraid the opossum I told you about last night would come back. I was positive that I'd go out there, and see it, and yell at it, and it would be like "THERE'S NO MORE CAT FOOD FOR ME TO STEAL" and I'd be like "GO AWAY" and it would be like "I WILL EAT YOUR LEGS INSTEAD" and since I was wearing my mom's slip on shoes I wouldn't be able to run away so it would follow me and eat my ankles. I put on a hoodie, and, armed with a Barbie umbrella, I walked outside in the dark and the absolutely FRIGID cold. I screamed as loudly as I could,
"I'M WATCHING YOU, OPOSSUM!"
When nothing answered, I took my dog into the yard, waving the umbrella and silently telling the opossum to go die. Doggie did her business, I nearly froze to death, but the opossum never showed.
That's right, opossum. You don't fuck with me and my Barbie umbrella.
Love
Love
Love
Samm
Song Quote Of Note: "Lose your blues."
Title: Footloose.
Artist; Kenny Loggins.
^^Okay, I tried to find good lyrics from A Thousand Miles by Vanessa Carlton because that song is STUCK IN MY HEAD! But I didn't really like any of them so I chose a random song and this one is an oldie but a goodie.
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