Procrastination Is Really A Delicate Process.

And it should not be done by anyone other than a professional.
Which includes me. I have a degree and four Olympic medals in Procrastinating.

SO! I have two stories to tell you, one of which is very long and descriptive and basically a very detailed recounting of one of my recent experiences. It could be epic. Or very boring. The other is short, pointless, and can be pushed and pulled and exaggerated and hyperbole-ized into oblivion. So I'm gonna go with that one first.

Vital Information: My Science teacher is a zombie. Really. And she looks like a Who. No serious offense to her, but it's just a fact of life. Anyway. She teaches her class with the skills of an elementary student. She's a nice enough person if you can get her to talk about something other than Science. But that's the only non-zombie/Who thing about her.

The Assignment: Write Results, Discussion, Conclusions, Bibliography, and Abstract of Science Project.

Science Project: Absolute Hell. I decided I was going to test the effects of energy drinks on physical performance (not that. RUNNING). It was not a good idea.

Back to The Assignment From Satan. Anyway, all those things I just listed are basically the same thing over and over. Just different lengths. The Results are IN the Discussion and the Conclusion, and the Abstract is a summary of your Conclusion, and the Bibliography is where you got the information for La Project Of HORRIDAWFULDISGUSTINGNESS.

I've been sitting here for an hour. I wrote my Results and part of my Discussion. Then, I realized, ohmygosh, I haven't read Hyperbole And A Half (best blog ever. And a half) in forever. I read all her (meaning Allie, meaning the author) recent posts. Then, I decided I wanted to listen to music. So I spent ten minutes trying to find the damn headphone hole in the computer and logging onto Pandora (they've started putting ADS in between your songs, DID YOU KNOW THAT??? I've lost faith in the online music industry for about five minutes...). Then I decided I needed to write a blog, because WHAT IF PEOPLE WANNA READ IT? I haven't posted anything in days, and you all know how the blogging industry needs my posts (PAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAno).

Procrastination requires a certain skill. And that skill is suppressing the guilt reflex properly. As you procrastinate, you realize..."My work is NOT getting done." And then the little devil and the little angel appear on your shoulder and you look at the devil and she grins at you in her little red dress and says, "Hey, girlfriend. You're hungry, you really have to pee, Blogspot is calling you...you've been gone all weekend, dear, you should get some rest. This stuff can wait. You don't care about it anyway, do you?" And the angel in her white nun's habit robe thing adjusts her halo and says in a British accent, "Don't listen to her! You need a good grade in this class! Are you an honors student or aren't you?" And then you flick her wings and say,
"Psh, bitch, I want me some Cheez-its."
Then you go get Cheez-its, cause you're hungry and the calzones won't be ready for a couple hours.

While all this is going on, you're texting your boyfriend named Mozart and singing along with Michelle Branch and Toby Lightman and sometimes Metallica.
Meanwhile, you realize that the Red Bull you tested earlier for your experiment actually kind of worked and suddenly Lady Marmalade (the song that taught us all to say "Will you go to bed with me?" in French) comes on your iPod and if you don't sing along and do some sort of stripper dance then the world will fall into the hands of zombies like your Science teacher.

It's a no brainer, really.

Love
Love
Love
Samm

Song Quote Of Note: "Voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir."
Title: Lady Marmalade.
Artist: Christina Aguilera, Pink, Mya, Lil' Kim.